Freckle Love

photo by: me (summer of 09)

things have been a tad bit stressful lately...
These past 2 years have been a huge transition for me because I really was sheltered to the world; not by my parents, by choice. I was really afraid to put myself out there and to do things for myself-especially because of my anxiety.
Lately I have been really giving thought to how I'd like to live someday and how I'm living now. I've been reading The Happiness Project: Gretchen Rubin, and it is such a feel good book. The stories she talks about regarding her family and her life in general-she really puts it all into perspective; just how I would love to! I always consider self improvement super important because the way you act/react to the world determines how others treat you, and how you live your life. It's a chain reaction of feelings- very much like a piece of gum that has been chewed and passed along to other people leaving a bad taste in their mouth. Negativity is that piece of gum, and I am seeing it more and more now.
I'm dealing with certain people right now who are unhappy and they should not be- because they are great people. (not that I am saying bad people should be) no no no, I just mean that they deserve so much more than what is coming to them at this moment in their life. I love to help people I truly do, but it is bringing me down. I have never felt so worn out in my entire 20 years. I am beginning to separate myself from it-especially from those people and yet I still feel worn and torn. I feel bad if I don't help and I separate myself from those people, and yet I feel worn when I stand in and help when I am needed; which in this case is a lot. It is such an unwanted feeling. The kind that when you are happy you say to yourself: "I hope this happiness doesn't leave me-not yet." It's always in the back of your mind but you overlook it. on purpose.
The Happiness Project is really starting to make me feel okay with the idea that I can not always be there, and those feelings are normal. I am starting to see that you can not change anyone for the better.. The only person you can change is yourself and maybe others will follow.